Alkaline smiles

first blog, ever.

i’ve thought about blogging before, definitely. i follow a few,

http://withoutmelissa.tumblr.com/

http://camelsandchocolate.com/

http://www.mooseinthekitchen.com/

ch ch check those out. they are GOODIES. well, today, i am finally posting. like anyone cares.

this is really a letter to myself.

because i am bored at work.

because i am hungover and need something to do besides sleep at my desk.

i brought a notebook to work today because once upon a time, when i was a courrier, i started joting down the songs i LOVED to hear on the radio, the ones that i couldn’t think of if asked randomly, but the ones that when i heard them on the radio, all else ceased to exist, windows needed to be rolled down, no matter what the weather, radio ALL the way UP, and singing at the top of my lungs commenced. so, all those songs were written down in said little yellow notebook that i happened to be carrying around at the time because it has many a blank white page. i forget though, that whenever there are blank pages, there are pages of ink snuck in between. when i was waining myself from a prolific hopefullness before my twenties, i wroke like it was a sin. i would get sentences or phrases stuck in my head that begged to be jotted down somewhere secretly. i would write bad poetry that i wouldn’t even want myself to read, so i would hide it away in empty notebooks. and now one of those notebooks sits in front of me. since i’ve been toying with the idea of work today, i have read many of these poems. bad bad, and insightful to my 19 year old mind. true feeling mixed with seuse-isms. so in light of not having a single follower to this “blog”, minus (or should i say plus) kelly, i decided to share one …

i feel like someone with a deep barritone voice should be murmuring into the microphone something like ‘this one goes out to the hopeless children of a lost decade’… or maybe something more positive.

two pawns

taking careful steps

precise measure, in squares

away from each other

i’ll step back

to let you

get away

and no one wins the game.

i’ll say, i’m sorry

and you’ll capture my king

tear down these castle walls,

and crawl,

back to my heart.

i’m hidden inside today,

blocking conversation,

harboring pain

falling, like the rain today.

because i’ve let you win again.

forced a slight grin,

traded honesty for sin

for the sake of friendship.

so lets get back on the boat, circle the moat

around the fairy tale

let the wind carry us in.

the same direction.

we were heading last year.

through stormy nights, i’ll cry hidden tears

and be a love slave

for the rest of your life

oh, 19 year old kt. you really haven’t changed much. i still think about the same boy, today, most all days, in the same way. and i have no idea where he is, what he is, if he is. am i crazy?!

well, if its any redemption, i also thought i would share my song list.

these are some all time faves

tiny dancer- elton john

love and happiness - marvin gaye

maps - yeah yeah yeahs

at last - etta james

brass in pocket - the pretenders

i’ll stand by you - the pretenders

dreams - fleetwood mac

good love is hard to find - tom petty and the heartbreakers

lay it down - al green

today - smashing pumpkins

also, anything! by the smashing pumpkins, or nina simone, though you would be very lucky to hear her voice on the radio (damn, i need XM)

happy friday to the vast world of the internet. i’m glad i could provide some empty matter. maybe i’ll be back soon …

all love and alkaline smiles

kt

there are so many songs flooding my mind right now, but to be fair, those are the ones i had written down.

maybe this blog should be called, ‘is it 5 yet?’

maybe i’ll share something else about myself, to myself. i decided long ago, worrying is useless. at least when it comes to finding things. when i was in college, i minored in attempting to monitor my purse strings. and boy, its no irony that i had a little trouble in college. i would get ridiculously silly drunk and forget where i had uh, put (dropped, left, what have you) my purse. anyone who knew me then knew this happened with systematic regularity. yet, low and behold, i realized i had like, lotto winning luck with being reunited with said belongings. i chalk it up to a faith in humanity. for starters, i never keep any cash in my purse, so who the hell would want my ids, chapstick, old bar receipts, tampons (depending on the week), or other rendered useless items. so it almost became a game; who, where, what streak of luck would bring me back my belongings the fateful ‘day after’ or perhaps, two weeks later (when i had ALMOST given up hope-when a boy called and said uh, i found your purse in my laundry room? - hey, the jayhawks had just won a national champoinship, is that not a good excuse?)

so any who… i’m east bound and down now and not a whole hell of a lot has changed besides location. last weekend i woke trying to recollect memories of the night before including where i might have left my cell phone - it’s no wonder i never had one of these in college- and decided through deduction that it was most certainly sleeping in the sand somewhere along the shorelines where i decided to leave all material items in the sand and experience the ocean full throttle (i highly recommend german chocolate cake shots, but maybe not 6 of them in the span of an hour). after i found the previous nights clothes crumpled up sans cell phone, i just went about my merry way thinking things would all work out… a kid making a sand castle, loner walking his dog, a compassionate neighborhood dolphin, what have you, would find and return it. said, i still have regettably become part of this cell phone dependant, self indulgent world, and went out and bought a new one monday. and sure enough, a few days later someone called ‘mom’ from my cell phone to tell her he would mail it back to me. faith … i don’t go to church, but deep down in my core i believe things will work out. i mean, they have to, right?

maybe this blog should be called ‘the universe is my locker’

or, ‘i will redeem myself later’